What is your essence?
Who are you, behind your name, your clothing, your Facebook profile, your doingness and your life. What is the essence of your soul that chose to incarnate? What name would you give to that energy? Is it the name your parents gave you?
When I was 19, I became obsessed with the Jesus story. Having passed through the Christianity phase of my life when I was 12 and 13, I then returned to it at age 19, but this time with the energy of the theosophist. I remember having clear understanding at that time that I was the one that I had waited for.. and at that time in my life, whilst journalling a name was given to me. It just dropped out of the skies into my heart and mind. Clearly. No thinking or pondering it over. Bam. There it was. It came at a time when I was focusing much energy on the power of the individual soul to shine brightly, to heal many, to live his life’s purpose.
I scribbled it down and marvelled at it…
And then I hid it. It became my email account password. I would write ‘Fire-Mane’s Writings’ at the beginning of new journals.. but it stayed hidden to both the world and my full acknowledgement. As I did.
It tried its’ hardest to seep out into the world via my creative life. When I was a rock singer in Paris and London I was talking to costume designers about ‘Fire-Mane’, half pirate woman – half comet. I could see her crystal-clear. She had streaming fire-red hair, black boots, serious, bad-ass direction and herculean power of heart for the human race. I wrote songs about the ‘Queen of Wands’, with hair of orange and yellow and red and gold.. ‘and although my hands may be small, it’s with strength I hold my silver sword.’ When I sing these songs now to myself, I cry.. so incredibly beautiful was my passion for people.
Yet still she stayed suppressed.
Finally when I clawed my way out of the darkest period of my life in 2010, the beginning of my Life started, and all sorts of things started flowing into my heart – gifts from God. Rewards for never giving up. Rewards for staying true to my mission! I have soared since…..
One of the gifts that came in was my true heart memories of my time in the Native American nations. I remembered our names. I remembered how we honoured our essence. (And I remembered how my first love Lachlan Milne, after watching a native American film, started calling me Stands With A Fist. He told me, when we were 17, that I would be one of the great women of the world. You never forget things like that. At that age, you can probably count the people that really see you on one hand. I shall never forget that gift he gave me.)
And then in it came like a lightning bolt – FIRE-MANE.
My God, it was my name. And I was not going to hide it one second longer! The spiritual expansion that I experienced upon deciding to OWN my name was mega. Once feeling this, I knew I was on track , as expansion = YES and contraction = NO THANKS. After 15 years of hiding my name away in musty journals, I was ready.
So what does it mean?
I am a fire girl. Fire is the element that I understand most and it is my gift from God. My fire lights and warms many. My fire drives me to natural and massive production. I am passionate about this element and during my ceremonial magic days in London in my early 20s, I had a particularly strong friendship with Djinn and the salamanders – the King of Fire and his elementals. We worked together much! Aries with Aries rising and Aries in Venus. Plenty of cardinal fire. Not fixed. Not mutable. Cardinal. (You’ll love this.. I’ve just flicked to an astrology site and plastered down one side of the home page in large red letters is: “YOUR NAME IS NO ACCIDENT!” Haha! You’re telling me!)
I am an Earth Horse in the Chinese system of divination and with my complete beingness, I feel this. I am strong and I gallop when I’m free. I grew up with horses all around me as my father was the Chairman of the Australian Jockey Club, then the inaugural Chairman of the Thoroughbred Racing Commission and simultaneously the Chairman of the Asian Racing Commission of 63 countries. Horses surrounded me. Horses, horses and more horses. I was often dazed by their beauty as they ran.. their strong legs so incredibly elegant… their manes flying, their haughty energy nothing but lovingly accepted as part of their magestic force..
Fire-Mane is a woman made of horse and made of fire. She is a plains Indian. She knows who she is. YES.
But there is a far more mystical and cosmic interpretation of my spirit name that came to me as suddenly as, and about three seconds after, the name itself did.
I saw her… Fire-Mane…. a comet woman.. Her trails and mane blazing…
But where was she flying? Where in the Universe was she screaming to?
She was flying through the darkness to light the way for the others.
So is my path. So is my life. x
So is my name.